Horatio dead… YEAH Beybeh!!

In Funny shyt on August 12, 2009 at 9:49 pm

I haven’t been watching TV for a long time now. Bz studying and all… but earlier today, i decided to turn on AXN. With the hope of watching either Chuck or House (my 2 favourite shows). Then i came across a commercial… HORATIO IS DEAD!!!

david-causo-csi-miamo-horatio1If you don’t know horatio, go buy a TV…

Out of the three CSIs, I only like Las Vegas and New York. Miami is just a bit… how do i say this…. Fake?

Now to the new character who replaces Horatio, lemme give u a few pointers so that you won’t be hated as much as Horatio is…

1. NEVER wear your sunglasses indoors. It was not cool when Corey Hart did it, and it’s just plain creepy when Horatio Caine does it.

2. NEVER call somebody, or have anyone call you, by the first initial of their name. For instance, never call me ‘S’. Ever. I mean it. I’ll do the same for you.

3. ALWAYS look at a person when you are talking to them. Yes. I mean the WHOLE entire sentence. Don’t look out into the horizon over the ocean/at the big white mansion in the background/into the depths of the shimmering Miami pool water with flowing scraps of white fabric blowing in the breeze behind it and then turn to the person you are talking to at the very last word of the sentence, glaring at them through your creepy sunglasses. It’s stupid. Real stupid.

4. NEVER EVER EVER crouch down to a small kid and say something creepy like “I’ll always be here if you need me,” in a deep and gravelly whisper, then handing them a card with your name on it, knowing that handing the kid said card means he/she will soon be placed in imminent danger.

5. If you are a kid, NEVER EVER EVER accept a card from Horatio Caine. Seriously. Never. Imminent danger.

6. Do NOT act like you, and you alone, can control all of the criminals in Miami. All of the mob, the ganstas, the rappers, the rich kids killing their girlfriends, etc, etc, etc. You are NOT a God. And I am pretty sure there is more than one police station in Miami.

7. DO NOT gather all of your co-workers together at the end of a long day and have them meet you on the beach with nothing but big black Hummers for a backdrop. And, while you are not there, DO NOT then line said co-workers up and walk down the beach with the sunset behind you, trying desperately to look like

a) superheroes in expensive business suits that are far too fashionable for any cop to wear,

b) a wannabe boy band, but without any boys (ya, you heard me, oh yes I did say it), or

c) the only thing that stands between the law-abiding citizens of the planet, and total destruction at the hands of gussied up drug dealers with nice cars and hot porn star girlfriends.


Mr. know-it-all

8. Do NOT have some stupid clever line for each and every tragedy that befalls someone. Seriously. Show some sensitivity.

9. DO NOT date and/or marry your employee’s sister who is dying of cancer but looks like she just walked off the fashion runway. And if you do, don’t be surprised when she finds some way to get herself killed shortly afterwards. Because, really, who wouldn’t?

  1. screw u man!! i like horatio…he makes CSI interesting to watch compared to the other CSI show…y dont u write something on the malaysian CSI version…they use litmus paper to check whether the fluid are acid or nt..hahhaa…wtf??? litmus paper??? geeezzz…

  2. U WATCH THE MALAYSIAN CSI???!!! Wuts wrong with u man? At least i choose not to watch it. You, on the other hand, have even reached the point of why they use the litmus paper, my frend…HAHAHAHAHA

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